Back In Time
by rikalynch
Summary: Jeff loses Nick, and he knows it's all his fault. He just wishes he could go back in time to tell Nick how he really felt, and to tell him what he really wanted to say. What happens when Jeff gets the chance?


**MARCH 2012—THE FIRST TIME**

"You just don't _get _it!" Nick yelled. He had, yet again, walked in on Jeff making out with his girlfriend. On Nick's bed. Jeff sighed and pulled Maria onto his own bed.

"It was closer to the door," Jeff murmured.

"Yep… could you go now?" Maria asked to Nick. She was a short, Hispanic girl, with a thick accent. She had soft curves and large breasts, and wide, sparkling brown eyes. Jeff was absolutely head over heels for her, so he wanted to do what she wanted all the time, to keep her as happy as he could, whenever he could.

"Yeah; I was just leaving." Nick mumbled. At the time, Jeff wanted to tell him to stay, but his erection was doing most of the thinking. Maria glared into Jeff's eyes, giving him a look that said 'it's him or me.' When Nick left, Jeff couldn't hear him crying, nor could he see the razor that Nick had slipped into his pocket.

Jeff lost his virginity that night, and Nick spent his night in Trent's dorm, sobbing every time he heard Jeff moan.

The whole time, Jeff was imagining it was Nick.

* * *

**JUNE 2012 – THE FIRST TIME**

"Dude, I'm your best friend!" Jeff protested. Nick had been invited to Trent's pool party alongside Jeff, but he had kindly (and then not-so-kindly) refused.

"Don't pull the best friend card on me," Nick sneered. "I don't want people to see me without a shirt."

"Why not?" Jeff frowned. "Dude, you're hot. Now come on."

"Don't call me that… I'm not going." Nick sighed and started to scroll through the Netflix selection on his PS3. Nick wanted to go, but he'd recently cut on his stomach and he didn't want anybody to see it. "Have fun without me." Nick didn't want Jeff to leave. He wanted to cuddle with the blonde for the rest of the night, and watch Netflix, and maybe play some board games, but that wasn't happening.

"Whatever… Your loss."

Those three words were the reason why Jeff had to wrestle Nick away from a razor later that same evening.

Nick would have been fine, had Jeff stayed back.

* * *

**JULY 2012 – THE FIRST TIME**

"I—I can't believe it's over. We graduated, Nicky!"

Nick smiled and pulled his best friend of fifteen years into his arms. "We did… High school is finally over." So is the torment, the name-calling, the cutting, the-

Nick was pulled out of his thought when he realized that Jeff was jumping up and down on his bed. "We did it!" Jeff was yelling, giggling. He fell back into the mattress and started to laugh harder than he ever had. Nick smiled, rolling his eyes fondly.

"We did… I can't believe it. We're going to college now," he smiled. He laid down next to Jeff, keeping a comfortable distance. Jeff pulled him into a hug and planted a kiss on Nick's lips out of excitement.

Nick smiled into the kiss, and tried to deepen it, happy that Jeff had finally done it.

"Whoa… Whoa, I'm so sorry, Nick, I-I didn't mean to…" He pulled away and wiped his lips. "I have a _girlfriend,_I mean… Wow, I'm so sorry. I'm… I'm so sorry." With that, Jeff tore away and ran out to the garden outside. After years of wanting to, he finally did it, and now he realized that he didn't want to.

He and Nick were going to colleges on opposite sides of the country, and he didn't want to fall in love before they had to leave each other for at least four years.

But he wanted to fall in love with Nick.

* * *

**JULY 2012 – THE FIRST TIME**

"I don't care, Nick," Jeff hissed. "Give me the damn razor."

"No!" Nick yelled. He was sobbing, and practically at the point of hysterics. "No, I'm not giving it to you!"

"Nick, god damn it," Jeff growled, and made a grab for the object in Nick's hands. "You're going to kill yourself if you're not careful!"

"Good," Nick murmured, and started towards the bathroom. Jeff grabbed him by the arm and pushed him on to the bed. He straddled him and tried to grab the razor from Nick's hands, but Nick was not having any of that.

"God damn it, Nicholas!" Jeff yelled, and slapped the brunet in the face. He grabbed Nick's wrist when he reached up to hold his face. Jeff pried his fingers open and finally grabbed the razor from him.

"Fuck you!" Nick screamed, trying to push Jeff off of him. He sobbed, trying again to get the blond off of his lap, but Jeff was too strong.

Jeff shook his head and pocketed the razor. By now, Nick was a sobbing, crying mess. Jeff got off of his lap and pulled Nick into his arms. "Shh, Nicky, it's okay. I'm only doing this because I love you, and I want to protect you. Okay?"

"You—You love me?" Nick looked up at Jeff, his brown eyes full of hope.

"Of course I do; you're my best friend."

"Oh…" Nick sighed. He didn't know why he'd been expecting something different; Jeff had a girlfriend.

"Yeah… Sleep, okay?" Jeff kissed Nick's hair. Jeff sighed, he was too terrified to admit to Nick that he loved him. He wanted to, but Maria…

"Alright," Nick muttered, and buried his face into Jeff's neck. They spent the entire night in that position.

Jeff thought he'd finally saved Nick.

* * *

**AUGUST 2012 – THE FIRST TIME**

It was the summer after their junior year, and Nick and Jeff were wading their feet in Jeff's pool. Nick sighed and leaned on Jeff's shoulder, his long sleeves were making it very hard for him to keep his eyes open. He didn't want to admit to Jeff that he thought he was having a heatstroke, because he'd have to take his clothes off.

Jeff sighed and pulled his shirt and pants off, leaving him in just his boxers. "I'm jumping in," he mumbled, more to himself, and sunk himself into the pool. He looked up at Nick and tugged on his shirt a little. "You don't need to hide," Jeff smiled softly. "It's just me… I've seen them before."

Slowly, Nick nodded his head. It was just Jeff, after all, he'd seen everything there is to see about Nick. Nick pulled his shirt off, and then his pants, biting his lip. He immediately lowered himself into the water, so that he wasn't exposed for too long. The water felt so good on his body, and he felt himself starting to cool down already.

"This is the first time you've been swimming since you were fifteen," Jeff murmured, nudging Nick's foot with his own. Nick smiled sadly and nodded.

"Yeah, I guess it is." Nick dunked himself under the water, and when he came up, Jeff had to bite his lip to keep himself from telling Nick how hot he looked when he was wet. Jeff swam over to Nick and hugged him. "What're you doing?"

"Hugging you," Jeff mumbled, and tightened his grip around him a little. "Love you, Nicky," Jeff murmured, and closed his eyes.

"Love you too, Jeffrey." Nick smiled. "Now get off me, you big sap." He pushed Jeff away and dove under the water again, and smiled. Jeff giggled and leaned against the side of the pool.

"My name is Jeff," Jeff giggled when Nick came back up. "You freak."

"Jeffrey!" Nick teased. Jeff rolled his eyes and looked into Nick's.

"You're cute," Jeff laughed. He swam a little closer to Nick, and then pulled him into a kiss. Nick, at first, tried to pull away, then he realized how much he wanted it. He pulled Jeff close and deepened the kiss, but the blonde pulled away.

"Oh my god… I—I'm so sorry," Jeff gasped, putting his hand over his mouth. "I—I didn't… I'm so so sorry. I'm sorry."

"N-No, Jeff, it's okay, I—I'm… I'm gay," Nick admitted with a blush.

"I… But I'm not. I have a girlfriend!" Jeff climbed out of the pool and put his head in his hands. "I can't believe I just kissed… I'm so sorry." Jeff made the mistake of gathering his clothes and running into the house, leaving Nick alone.

The biggest mistake Jeff ever made in his entire life was leaving Nick there.

* * *

**AUGUST 2012 – THE FIRST TIME**

_Local Westerville Teen Found Dead in Pool_

_This past Wednesday, a teen from Westerville was found deceased in his friend's pool. Nicholas Duval, 17, had been at his friend's house when Jeffrey Sterling, homeowner, supposedly left Nicholas alone outside._

_Sterling stated he'd returned to the pool approximately two hours later to find his best friend floating at the top of the water._

_"I thought he was playing a joke on me, at first," Jeffrey Sterling, 17, said. "But when I pulled him out of the pool, he wasn't breathing. I tried giving him CPR, but he was long dead… This was my mistake."_

More details to come this Saturday.

Jeff's hands shook as he read the article. He ripped the newspaper in half and threw it onto the table. He'd been eating breakfast and reading the paper, trying to get his mind off of his best friend's death, but nothing seemed to be working.

Everything he did was reminding him of Nick, and it was making things harder. He threw his bowl of cereal at the wall and put his head down onto the table, sobbing into his hands. He didn't care that the cereal narrowly avoided his mother's head, or that she was now yelling at him for getting it everywhere.

Jeff pushed himself away from the table and sobbed into his hands. He walked outside to the pool and sat down on a lawn chair, looking at the water where he'd found Nick. He started to cry even harder as he pulled his legs close to his chest, and pulled his wallet from his pocket. He pulled out the picture he kept of Nick in there, and sobbed as he looked at it.

He could have saved Nick, he knew he could have. But it was too late, Nick was gone…

And Jeff was to blame.

* * *

**Hello loves! I've had this wading in my Writing folder for about a year now, so I figured that I'd finally publish it. Sorry for any grammar errors, it isn't beta'd. Also, this only has 2 parts... Part 2 isn't written yet. :) See you soon! Review 3**


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